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MSR’s Random Sports Vids Special: Madden ’15

It’s that time again.

You know what’s coming.

It’s …

DUN-DUN-DUN!

DUN-DUN-DUN!

… Random Sports Vids!


This time around, I’m going to do something a little different. Because the following video has so much in it to see, to pay attention to – to step back in all of its awkwardly comedic glory – that I figured I would spend the entire time talking about it.

Now, I realize that this will likely be immensely popular by the time I post this, but, hey – I might as well throw in my two cents. Check out this doozy of an ad for Madden ’15:

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I … I still don’t know what to say.

Honestly, this may have been the most simultaneously awesome and squirm-inducing commercial I had ever seen – one that may rival most of those weird Japanese commercials you used to have shared with you via an email chain.

Because you are likely to be as confused as how to feel about this 3-and-a-half minute Picasso painting of an ad as I am, let’s try to break this down, step-by-step:

Apparently, the commercial just dives right in – I never would have guessed Dave Franco and Kevin Hart hung out on a regular basis, much less knew each other, but that’s besides the point. Definitely not enough for one to cold-cock the other without the police getting involved:

"WHAT DID THE FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE?!"

“WHAT DID THE FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE?!”

Love the “Power and The Glory” parody, by the way.

Then … well, “goes off the rails” doesn’t begin to describe what goes on in the next three minutes.

I mean, sure – the ad has a coherent storyline … sort of. Apparently, we have Hart so hellbent on challenging Franco to a Madden duel, he will rap about it. Hard.

Also, he’s brought a conspicuous posse of marching band cheerleaders …

"U Mad, bro?!"

Jee-bus, Kevin, calm down …

And he’s apparently willing to BREAK INTO HIS HOUSE WITH A COMICALLY-LARGE BULLHORN.

"For the love of GOD, James - CALL THE POLICE!!!"

“For the love of GOD, Dave – CALL THE POLICE!!!”

Okay. Sure. Let’s just assume Hart is capable of bringing his small cheerleading army to his workplace …

"This S*** is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"

“This S*** is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”

… Along with Broncos LB Von Miller dancing around in a cowboy hat …

"What the hell am I doing here."

“What the hell am I doing here.”

… AND a computer-generated Richard Sherman, specifically to knock him into next Tuesday.

No - you did NOT read that incorrectly.

No – you did NOT read that incorrectly.

But, that shouldn’t be grounds for Franco’s in-commercial, live-in girlfriend to up and leave the “21 Jump Street” star – let alone for Portland Trail Blazers playoff hero Damian Lillard – which, in and of itself, makes no sense, even in the context of the ad:

Ice cold, Damian. That's ice cold.

Ice cold, Damian. That’s ice cold.

Sure, he’s got a nice bike and all, but, c’mon.

Oh, and, by the way, nice job, Hart – you managed to break up a happy home, all for your insanely obsessive addiction to a video game franchise that has notoriously screwed the player featured on its cover almost every year since 1999.

No, seriously, nice job – because only you could be responsible for Dave to lose his ever-loving mind and ramble on like a madman in a final showdown at his house:

"Please, Mr. Franco - don't hurt us."

“Please, Mr. Franco – don’t hurt us.”

But, in the end, Kevin, you have no one to blame but yourself.

"Dear Lord, what have I done."

“Dear Lord, what have I done.”

Now should be the time to mention that, in between all of the madness surrounding Dave Franco’s current life situation, we have what can only be described as a second-rate Lady Gaga lookalike, which literally brings a whole new level of awkwardness to the commercial.

Why, EA Sports? Just ... Why?

Why, EA Sports? Just … Why?

Seriously, what the hell?

Then again, that’s not to say the ad didn’t have its bright spots. Case in point – I still laugh every time Colin Kaepernick, LeSean McCoy, Eddie Lacy and Dez Bryant jump around with their “blah-blah-blah” screed. Bar none, my favorite part of the commercial.

BAH-HA-HA-HA!!

BAH-HA-HA-HA!!

It was especially satisfying to watch LaMichael James school the Seahawks’ special teams unit for a return TD. Sure, it was “controlled” by Franco, in the gameplay, of course. But, at this point, I’ll take anything Pro-49ers. Even Madden-related.

Boom.

Boom.

It’s also a special treat when some of my favorite YouTubers get into the mix – like when Harley Morenstein from Epic Meal Time makes a cameo, to tell him his house is on fire.

What up, Harley!!

What up, Harley!!

All in all, I kind of like it – if only for some of the cameos, including Kaepernick. But I’d sure like it better if over half the commercial didn’t leave me with a skeevy feeling of complete awkwardness. I mean, sure – it’s kind of oddball and all, but at least it didn’t really reach “Kanye West” levels of crazy–

Hup.

Hup.

Never mind.

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